“To the person who does not know where he wants to go, there is no favorable wind.”
~ Seneca
“All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible.”
~ T.E. Lawrence
“The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight, but has no vision.”
~ Hellen Keller
“Keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.”
~ George Bernard Shaw
“The real voyage of discovery consists of not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”~ Marcel Proust
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
The Blind Spot
The Blind Spot
By Dr. John C. Maxwell
I have almost died on several occasions. I’d like to blame these near-death experiences on others, but I suppose they might have something to do with me. Let me explain…
Anyone who has driven for a length of time in Atlanta can testify to the horrors of its traffic situation. I’m sure other cities can make the claim of worst traffic in America, but I can’t imagine anyplace worse than Atlanta. To complicate the problem, I wouldn’t describe myself as a particularly patient person. In fact, my wife might describe me as downright impatient—and she would probably be right.
When in traffic, I’ve always subscribed to the bob-and-weave philosophy. If rampant lane changing can save me a car length or two, then I’ll switch lanes like Liz Taylor switches husbands.
Unfortunately, there have been a few instances when I’ve not been diligent in checking my blind spot when shifting lanes. And, let me tell you, nothing jolts a person like the angry honking of a car horn only a few inches to his left or right! Thankfully, I’ve been able to survive without crashing or receiving anything worse than a friendly wave of the middle finger from a fellow driver. Since my blind spot has nearly caused my demise several times, I now pay extra attention to it. I double and triple confirm no cars are there before I merge into another lane.
Blind spots can wreck a leader’s journey. In this edition of LW, I would like illustrate one of the most common blind spots I have observed in leaders. Next edition, I’ll explore a second customary blind spot faced by leaders, and in each lesson, I’ll give you advice for avoiding the dangers of the blind spot.
THE BLIND SPOT
The Blind Spot – An area in the lives of people in which they continually do not see themselves or their situation realistically. This unawareness often causes great damage to the people and those around them.
WHY WE ARE BLIND – A SINGULAR PERSPECTIVE
Most every leader has a blind spot, in fact, all probably do. We are trapped in our own perspectives, unable to see the world completely from another person’s point of view. We are absorbed in our world, caught in our present circumstances, consumed by selfish thoughts, and confined by our narrow experiences.
To illustrate, consider King George III of England’s journal entry on July 4, 1776: “Nothing happened today.” Of course, unbeknownst to King George, the American Declaration of Independence had been issued that day, and it would change the course of history.
One reason for our singular perspective can be attributed to our self-perception, or attitude toward self. As I wrote in the Lens Principle: who we are determines how we see others. A naïve optimist may be blind to the less-than-ideal intentions of those around them. Oppositely, an eternal pessimist may be blind to the kindness of a co-worker, instead suspecting ulterior motives.
A second cause of singular perspective comes from our tendency to judge ourselves based on intentions, while judging others by their actions. Such a bias allows us to cut ourselves slack and to justify our actions, because, after all, we meant well. However, since we aren’t able to see the motives of others, we evaluate them solely by their actions. We attribute shortcomings in their behavior to shortfalls in character without regard for their present circumstances, mood, or emotional frame of mind.
We are fully aware of our history, but ignorant of the background of others. For this reason, context is the third and final cause of a blinding singular perspective. Decisions we take make perfect sense to us given our beliefs and experiences, but they may surprise others who are not as familiar with us. On the other hand, since we don’t know the particulars of another person’s childhood, past relationships, or prior involvements, we often have trouble conceiving why the person acts the way he or she does.
CHECKING YOUR BLIND SPOT – OPENING UP TO THE PERSPECTIVES OF OTHERS
As trite as it may sound, putting yourself in another person’s shoes does open you to their perspective. To broaden your limited perspective, try to envision their opinions and feelings. Attempt to be aware of their motives and the values they hold dear.
Leaders avoid the blind spot of singular perspective when they seek to understand before seeking to be understood. As I wrote in Winning with People, “The entire world, with one small exception, is composed of others.” Followers are focused inwardly, and they wonder, “How will this affect me?” Conversely, leaders are focused outwardly, and they ask, “How will this affect others?”
Finally, leaders may avoid the blind spot of singular perspective by examining themselves before casting blame on others. As Jesus of Nazareth taught, “Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, or criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own,” (Matthew 7:1-3, The Message).
"This article is used by permission from Dr. John C. Maxwell's free monthly e-newsletter 'Leadership Wired' available at www.injoy.com. "
By Dr. John C. Maxwell
I have almost died on several occasions. I’d like to blame these near-death experiences on others, but I suppose they might have something to do with me. Let me explain…
Anyone who has driven for a length of time in Atlanta can testify to the horrors of its traffic situation. I’m sure other cities can make the claim of worst traffic in America, but I can’t imagine anyplace worse than Atlanta. To complicate the problem, I wouldn’t describe myself as a particularly patient person. In fact, my wife might describe me as downright impatient—and she would probably be right.
When in traffic, I’ve always subscribed to the bob-and-weave philosophy. If rampant lane changing can save me a car length or two, then I’ll switch lanes like Liz Taylor switches husbands.
Unfortunately, there have been a few instances when I’ve not been diligent in checking my blind spot when shifting lanes. And, let me tell you, nothing jolts a person like the angry honking of a car horn only a few inches to his left or right! Thankfully, I’ve been able to survive without crashing or receiving anything worse than a friendly wave of the middle finger from a fellow driver. Since my blind spot has nearly caused my demise several times, I now pay extra attention to it. I double and triple confirm no cars are there before I merge into another lane.
Blind spots can wreck a leader’s journey. In this edition of LW, I would like illustrate one of the most common blind spots I have observed in leaders. Next edition, I’ll explore a second customary blind spot faced by leaders, and in each lesson, I’ll give you advice for avoiding the dangers of the blind spot.
THE BLIND SPOT
The Blind Spot – An area in the lives of people in which they continually do not see themselves or their situation realistically. This unawareness often causes great damage to the people and those around them.
WHY WE ARE BLIND – A SINGULAR PERSPECTIVE
Most every leader has a blind spot, in fact, all probably do. We are trapped in our own perspectives, unable to see the world completely from another person’s point of view. We are absorbed in our world, caught in our present circumstances, consumed by selfish thoughts, and confined by our narrow experiences.
To illustrate, consider King George III of England’s journal entry on July 4, 1776: “Nothing happened today.” Of course, unbeknownst to King George, the American Declaration of Independence had been issued that day, and it would change the course of history.
One reason for our singular perspective can be attributed to our self-perception, or attitude toward self. As I wrote in the Lens Principle: who we are determines how we see others. A naïve optimist may be blind to the less-than-ideal intentions of those around them. Oppositely, an eternal pessimist may be blind to the kindness of a co-worker, instead suspecting ulterior motives.
A second cause of singular perspective comes from our tendency to judge ourselves based on intentions, while judging others by their actions. Such a bias allows us to cut ourselves slack and to justify our actions, because, after all, we meant well. However, since we aren’t able to see the motives of others, we evaluate them solely by their actions. We attribute shortcomings in their behavior to shortfalls in character without regard for their present circumstances, mood, or emotional frame of mind.
We are fully aware of our history, but ignorant of the background of others. For this reason, context is the third and final cause of a blinding singular perspective. Decisions we take make perfect sense to us given our beliefs and experiences, but they may surprise others who are not as familiar with us. On the other hand, since we don’t know the particulars of another person’s childhood, past relationships, or prior involvements, we often have trouble conceiving why the person acts the way he or she does.
CHECKING YOUR BLIND SPOT – OPENING UP TO THE PERSPECTIVES OF OTHERS
As trite as it may sound, putting yourself in another person’s shoes does open you to their perspective. To broaden your limited perspective, try to envision their opinions and feelings. Attempt to be aware of their motives and the values they hold dear.
Leaders avoid the blind spot of singular perspective when they seek to understand before seeking to be understood. As I wrote in Winning with People, “The entire world, with one small exception, is composed of others.” Followers are focused inwardly, and they wonder, “How will this affect me?” Conversely, leaders are focused outwardly, and they ask, “How will this affect others?”
Finally, leaders may avoid the blind spot of singular perspective by examining themselves before casting blame on others. As Jesus of Nazareth taught, “Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, or criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own,” (Matthew 7:1-3, The Message).
"This article is used by permission from Dr. John C. Maxwell's free monthly e-newsletter 'Leadership Wired' available at www.injoy.com. "
AUTHENTIC APOLOGIES
AUTHENTIC APOLOGIES
“I am sorry.” What makes it so hard to say those words? They seem so simple, yet we’ve been fighting against saying them since we were kids. “Say you’re sorry,” a parent commanded us. Maybe we had stolen a toy from a friend, had spoken a bad word in front of guests, or had hit a sibling. Stomping over to the offended party, we would mutter, “I’m sorry,” as quickly and quietly as possible, as if it the apology was physically painful to say.
Our human nature cringes to admit guilt. We hate to be wrong, but worse yet, we hate to confess to having wronged others. That’s what made Pope John Paul II’s apology spectacular on March 12, 2000. In a speech at St. Peter’s Basilica, the aged pope asked forgiveness for a list of sins committed by the Catholic Church. The confession included the church’s sins against other cultures, sins against women and minorities, sins of human rights abuses. Given The Catholic Church’s professed position as the authority on faith and morality, the apology is a remarkable admittance of guilt.
THE UNIVERSAL NEED TO APOLOGIZE
A leader will inevitably make a mistake. Perhaps a misjudgment of where to allocate finances, maybe a bad decision related to hiring or firing employees, or possibly a lapse in moral judgment. The mistake may be small and affect only one or two employees. Or, the mistake may be visible and far-reaching, affecting employees, shareholders, partners, and the community. Regardless of the mistake’s size and scope, a leader must learn how to apologize.
HOW NOT TO APOLOGIZE
The half-apologies of celebrities or public officials are almost laughable. The sound bites are usually as follows, “I regret that my words were misinterpreted,” or, “I’m sorry if they felt that way about my actions.” Notice how, in these phrases, the person is not even admitting guilt. Rather, they are almost blaming those they have offended for being unable to properly interpret their words or for being overly sensitive to their behavior.
TIPS FOR APOLOGIZING
In her article, “Always Apologize, Always Explain,” featured on Oprah.com and CNN.com, Martha Beck offers sound advice for giving an authentic apology.
1. Fully Acknowledge the Offense
Tell the full account of your misdeeds. Take complete responsibilities for what you did wrong, and as Beck advises, don’t avoid the worst truths. Don’t put the onus of the offense on the person who was offended, i.e., “I’m sorry they reacted that way.” Instead, assume total culpability for having made the offense.
2. Give an Explanation
While avoiding justification of your actions, explain why you made the mistakes you did. Allow your humanity to show. Admit you may need help in an area, maybe it’s treatment for substance abuse or counseling for an uncontrollable temper.
3. Genuinely Express Remorse
By recounting the ways your behavior has caused harm, you convey awareness of your misbehavior and its consequences. By doing so, you also communicate sincere regret for what you have done. Apologies should be given, not because they’re expected or because the guilty party has been caught, but because the offender has hurt someone and feels bad about having done so.
4. Repair Damage Done
If the damage is tangible, like money embezzled or assets stolen, then the apologizer should, of course, payback what was taken. Oftentimes, however, the offense creates intangible harm. This happens during an assault on a person’s character, a slur against their ethnicity, or a betrayal of their trust. “In such cases, writes Beck, “Your efforts should focus on restoring the other person's dignity.” In every instance, to make amends should be your aim.
To read the full text of Martha Beck’s article, “Always Apologize, Always Explain,” visit http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/07/11/always.apologize/index.html.
"This article is used by permission from Dr. John C. Maxwell's free monthly e-newsletter 'Leadership Wired' available at www.injoy.com. "
“I am sorry.” What makes it so hard to say those words? They seem so simple, yet we’ve been fighting against saying them since we were kids. “Say you’re sorry,” a parent commanded us. Maybe we had stolen a toy from a friend, had spoken a bad word in front of guests, or had hit a sibling. Stomping over to the offended party, we would mutter, “I’m sorry,” as quickly and quietly as possible, as if it the apology was physically painful to say.
Our human nature cringes to admit guilt. We hate to be wrong, but worse yet, we hate to confess to having wronged others. That’s what made Pope John Paul II’s apology spectacular on March 12, 2000. In a speech at St. Peter’s Basilica, the aged pope asked forgiveness for a list of sins committed by the Catholic Church. The confession included the church’s sins against other cultures, sins against women and minorities, sins of human rights abuses. Given The Catholic Church’s professed position as the authority on faith and morality, the apology is a remarkable admittance of guilt.
THE UNIVERSAL NEED TO APOLOGIZE
A leader will inevitably make a mistake. Perhaps a misjudgment of where to allocate finances, maybe a bad decision related to hiring or firing employees, or possibly a lapse in moral judgment. The mistake may be small and affect only one or two employees. Or, the mistake may be visible and far-reaching, affecting employees, shareholders, partners, and the community. Regardless of the mistake’s size and scope, a leader must learn how to apologize.
HOW NOT TO APOLOGIZE
The half-apologies of celebrities or public officials are almost laughable. The sound bites are usually as follows, “I regret that my words were misinterpreted,” or, “I’m sorry if they felt that way about my actions.” Notice how, in these phrases, the person is not even admitting guilt. Rather, they are almost blaming those they have offended for being unable to properly interpret their words or for being overly sensitive to their behavior.
TIPS FOR APOLOGIZING
In her article, “Always Apologize, Always Explain,” featured on Oprah.com and CNN.com, Martha Beck offers sound advice for giving an authentic apology.
1. Fully Acknowledge the Offense
Tell the full account of your misdeeds. Take complete responsibilities for what you did wrong, and as Beck advises, don’t avoid the worst truths. Don’t put the onus of the offense on the person who was offended, i.e., “I’m sorry they reacted that way.” Instead, assume total culpability for having made the offense.
2. Give an Explanation
While avoiding justification of your actions, explain why you made the mistakes you did. Allow your humanity to show. Admit you may need help in an area, maybe it’s treatment for substance abuse or counseling for an uncontrollable temper.
3. Genuinely Express Remorse
By recounting the ways your behavior has caused harm, you convey awareness of your misbehavior and its consequences. By doing so, you also communicate sincere regret for what you have done. Apologies should be given, not because they’re expected or because the guilty party has been caught, but because the offender has hurt someone and feels bad about having done so.
4. Repair Damage Done
If the damage is tangible, like money embezzled or assets stolen, then the apologizer should, of course, payback what was taken. Oftentimes, however, the offense creates intangible harm. This happens during an assault on a person’s character, a slur against their ethnicity, or a betrayal of their trust. “In such cases, writes Beck, “Your efforts should focus on restoring the other person's dignity.” In every instance, to make amends should be your aim.
To read the full text of Martha Beck’s article, “Always Apologize, Always Explain,” visit http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/07/11/always.apologize/index.html.
"This article is used by permission from Dr. John C. Maxwell's free monthly e-newsletter 'Leadership Wired' available at www.injoy.com. "
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